By Silas nyanchwani via FB
Memo No. 47 From the National Welfare Desk of Men.
Learning to Trust Women Again After They Have Broken Your Heart
May 17, is the National Character Development Day in Kenya. It is the day Freshly Mwamburi went to pick his fiance at JKIA after three years of studies in Japan. He had sold land, his cattle, his car, and everything to enable her study medical degree in Japan. We all know what Stella did. Her singular act, made Mwamburi speak in tongues. And it is immortalized in his timeless song, Stella Wangu.
A man can break a woman’s heart. It hurts. But when women break hearts, they don’t just break hearts: they take your heart, cut it into small bits, and feed it to cats for fun. What makes it worse is that women have no biological capacity for remorse or sympathy when dumping a man. No woman ever feels sorry for leaving you. None. It is one of the superpowers of women.
What is even horrible is that women have a horrible sense of timing when terminating a relationship. Man. A woman will time when you are so deep in love, so deep into her, when your very life depends on her and she will end that nonsense.
Not too long ago, this young lass approached me. She had everything I want in a woman and on top, extremely beautiful eyes. Besides legs, I am a sucker for good eyes. We chatted a bit. Met for lunch. A few drinks like this. I was beginning to have hopes. I was beginning to smile again. The chats were good. The vibes, exciting. After she noticed I was so deep into her, she ended that nonsense. Just like that. Sometimes I feel my life is a social experiment.
Men who have been heartbroken know how it feels. Men have changed their religion. Men have stopped believing in God. Men have succumbed to alcoholism and drugs after being left kwa mataa. Men have gone to be horrible players after being dumped. And worse, is men who lose trust in women.
There are three ways a woman can mess with you. One is by cheating on you. No recovery from this. Secondly, is dumping you when you are so deep in love with her. Thirdly, is by divorcing you and making away with your hard-earned sweat. It is not just material things that break a man. It is the many years of emotional investment.
No man is immune to the cunning ways of women. Whether a king, a prince, the greatest sportsman, greatest musician, or mathematician. We all get a good heart transplant.
Some men recover better. Some never do. Some become cynical. Some learn to hate and distrust women.
Yet this need not be the case. What growing old has taught me is that there will always be bad people and good people. Being bad or evil, is not gender thing. Some people are bad. Some are good. There are bad women. And there are good women.
As a man, you should always treat a heartbreak as a singular event in your life. Don’t let it define who you are. Or go on a crying spree. Regardless of the timing of the heartbreak, just take the L, mourn a bit, and move on.
The best way to understand a heartbreak is to know that women get bored with relationships faster than men. And they can change their mind any time. Your sacrifices as a man matter less when a woman has found better or she thinks you suck.
When she leaves, just know she wasn’t meant for you. There is someone out there for you.
After a major heartbreak in your life, take time to learn the nature of women. You will forgive women more once you know how they roll. And you will make better choices going in the future. There is no insurance that future relationship will be better. But you can always try, with tact and less expectations.
What I have learnt is that there are incredibly good women out here. Women who are kind. Generous. Loving and lovable. Women who can be your soldiers. Women who have empathy. Women who were raised well. Women who have a heart. A big heart.
Losing all hope on women is not healthy. What as a man you should do is learn the female nature. And be extra careful on your future vetting.
What gives me hope is that there are men who tried again and it worked. Recently, I had a drink with an older man and he told me the kind of hell he went through in his first marriage. His first divorce was so messy, it should be a case study in law schools and sociology classes. That was 15 years ago. He met a good woman and married again. Ten years later, three beautiful children like that, he has never been happier. He doesn’t regret the previous marriage ending. His second marriage has been more fulfilling, more meaningful. He told me, our bad experiences exist to teach us and woe betide those who don’t learn.
It can work again. Even it doesn’t. Don’t lose your hope. Or become a hopeless cynic. Keep the hope alive. Keep searching. Be open-minded.
And to young men here. If you have not taken a big L, just know it is coming. It is one of the guarantees of life. A woman you love so much will dump your ass one day when you least expect. Don’t lose your head. It is the way of life.
What you must never do, is give up and lose hope. Best revenge is to carry on with life. Don’t let the heartbreak make you lose the ability to make money and date again. Go ahead, be successful in every quarter of your life.
And man, never look back, once she leaves. Let the water under the bridge flow to the oceans and eternity. Live in the future.
And after a break, don’t rush into another relationship. Take a break. Do a lot of self-assessment. Stand in front of the mirror. Better yourself. Take all the time in the world. After a heartbreak, we are always in a very vulnerable space and some people can exploit that vulnerability and mess you even more.
With new knowledge, go back and hunt a good woman, using better criteria than what you used before. And stay alert always. Don’t be caught off-guard, ever again.
Have a great day kings.