Are there broken men? So many of them.
Should women date broken men? I don’t think so.
Yet, so many women put up with so much crap from broken men. Women have a surprising capacity of handling crap. And honestly, as a man, sometimes I sympathise with women who have to be mothers, fathers, wives, counselor, mentor, and financier of some really horrible character in Nairobi.
Each one of us is allowed to handle a broken person, but only once. If you have ever dealt with a damaged person, you know, you can’t fix them. Only a person can fix himself or herself. Only ourselves and our God can purge ourselves of the traumas, demons, depression and stress.
Yet some have the energy, time and resources to put up with men who are extremely bad for their health.
Like I told men last week, I will repeat it to women, don’t date a broken person. Do your part and leave when your sanity is intact. Some women have gone through financial ruin, depression, and some have actually died in the hands of men they love.
Toxic men are very manipulative, and know they hold certain power over the woman. Whether it is the low self-esteem of the woman, or the man is good in bed and this can cloud the judgment of the girl, the men know the women can’t leave them. Again, our abusers are addictive. We love them. Stockholm syndrome in relationship is real.
Yet the greatest courage one can gather is to walk away from a certified lunatic. And I am glad more and more women are refusing to put up with men who can’t put their shit together.
Men are broken n two ways. There are those with unresolved childhood issues. And there are those who just refuse to grow up and be accountable. We must desist from dealing with people who are not accountable. Either way, it is such a burden for women to fix broken men. But for those not yet dating or married, here is how you tell a broken man.
1. He lies. Not even intelligent lies. Very silly and shallow lies. As an adult, you should no time for people with petty lies.
2. He doesn’t respect you. He talks to you as if you are a child. Like you are less of a being.
3. He can’t control his anger. If someone cannot muster their anger by the time they are 8, leave them to the police. Adulthood is a period of peace.
4. He can’t fix his finances over a long period of time. There are men who just seem can’t seem to get it right with money.
5. He lives beyond his means. And has no sense of awareness. A true man sees ten years from now. If he only lives for tomorrow, jump out and take the fastest flight away. Unless you are chopping his money.
6. He can’t put his house in order. You visit a man and he lives in such a dirty house, even pigs will protest if forced to stay there. A responsible man must be well kept, utensils clean, bed spread, house clean. At the very least, there must be a semblance of order. At one point, you will be in a conference or away for work, or on a vacation with your boyfriend, you want a husband, you can entrust with simple household chores. But seriously, if a man can’t even fix himself a meal, or clean his house, you have no business dealing or dating such.
7. He can’t rein on his family that is crowding your space. A true man defends his wife against aggressive in-laws. It is 2020, and in law pettiness is so 1988. But ensure that also, you are not some nasty b*tch with no sense of self-reflection or who can’t be counseled or be approached. But still, the man has to be in charge. This is not negotiable. But also, don’t cut off the man from the family. This is the source of all nasty inheritance wars.
8. Has funny hairstyles. Outside dreadlocks, any funny hairstyle like a mohawk or anything feminine hair on his head is a red flag. Men have higher responsibility in life than looking good. Handle such with care. Add piercings and tattoos. Or any pointer of narcissism. This is purely subjective and interpret it however you want.
9. He never sleeps at home and you can’t ask him.
10. Frequently comes home after 2 a.m. on most weekends.
11 Has alcohol problems. Or drug problems. You are not a rehabilitation centre.
12. He doesn’t kiss your toe when you arrive home from work.
13. Doesn’t respect you. Cheats on you brazenly.
14. Believes you can solve every problem of life by throwing money at it.
I5. Loves their mother so much that at 35, he needs permission to fart from his mother.
I can go on. But ladies, this is for you. Share behaviours of broken men that can act as a a red flag to a woman. We may help or save a woman.
Great week ahead folks.
By Silas Nyanchwani via FB