Photo: Health CAS Dr Mercy Mwangagi, a strong leader, scholar, beautiful and wifely/motherly. Isn’t she lovely?
Memo No. 10 From the Office of the National Welfare of Men.
RAISE YOUR STANDARDS: ATTRACT HIGH QUALITY WOMEN TO YOUR LIFE
The most disgusting words from a woman’s lips are, “I made him”.
I recently asked on Twitter what does that mean exactly and nobody (both men and women) knew but most agreed that mostly, it is not much.
Let us get one thing out the way, there are women who lift us men out of our misery, but such women will never be caught dead saying such disgusting things. But those who do the least, say it the loudest.
And today, gentlemen, I want us to sign this memorandum: NEVER EVER ALLOW A WOMAN SAY THAT SHE MADE YOU. This is not foolhardy advice for you to refuse to take support from a woman. But it matters what kind of woman you get help from. But more importantly, if you can avoid it at all, the better.
Here is how you do it. Avoid low-quality women by raising your bar so high that you will attract only the best women there are. Because believe you me, there are women out here who were well raised who don’t walk into relationships for cheap competition or out to keep scores. Women who understand what responsibility is.
The first part of the memo addresses young unmarried men, or divorced men who want to give it a try again.
For young ones, learn to be self reliant. Clean those sufurias in the sink, make your bed, groom yourself well. Disabuse women of the silly notion that their role in your life is to fix the simple household chores. Scrub the sufurias to a point they are squeaky clean. Arrange your wardrobe. When a woman comes to your place, she should not come to arrange stuff for you. Unless, she likes it. But I have my reservations. Because women who wash your utensils later start claiming that they made you become a man. When she comes, she should find your standards of hygiene are so high already. Learn how to whip a meal, two specialties. A woman must not think that only she can make you your best meal.
Let me tell you something. A dirty sink, makes a woman pretend to be ‘wife material’ and can easily fool you that she is the one, if your criteria of searching for a wife is traditional. This is outmoded, and can be very misleading. Some of the divorced men today followed this hollow path. But a clean house, an orderly man, who fries eggs that taste like heaven, and can make good chicken stew is the best way to weed out badly behaved women who think cooking for a man is doing him a favour. You want a woman who has outgrown the childish games some girls in Nairobi play.
Remember as a man, in relationship, you will be expected to perform the traditional roles. But women don’t want to perform the traditional roles. But it is fine. Do everything for yourself. When she comes, she has to prove why you need her in your life. And that is the real taste. Most men are in a relationship that they get nothing out it, and women get everything. Women always seek a return on investment. Never ever be afraid to examine what a woman brings to the table, tangible and intangible. Don’t let women guilt-trip you to demand less. Sex and kids, is just part of the equation, and should be the least consideration when picking a woman. Because better not to get kids, than to get with a low-quality woman.
You want a woman who brings maturity, understanding and peace of mind to your life. Not a woman who comes to make your life hard. There is only one thing a woman should make hard on you (pun-intended). So, if the woman, when dating or married is a source of pain, man walk, but to this, we shall return.
For divorced or separated men. If divorced, the hope here is that you have healed, you have stood in front of the mirror long enough to know where you erred and changed your ways. Now, when looking for the new catch, go for the best. Fix yourself. Fix your narcissism, your laziness, your economic situation and rise from your ashes. In your next married life, have zero tolerance for bullshit. Once you notice a red flag, throw her out. For a separated man, never ever go back to her. Move on. Life is too short to flip-flop. Nothing should make you move back. Not even kid (s). That is the same attitude that makes us stay with Safaricom (the most toxic relationship) because of MPESA. Don’t do that. You made a mistake in the past. Life only gives you very limited chances to make it right.
And to married men who don’t have peace in marriage, walk. As stated above, assuming you are not the problem, your wife or girl is supposed to be your cheerleader, your biggest supporter and fan. Not a source of misery. Not someone who makes you drink yourself to an early grave. Not someone who makes you talk to your ex. Not someone who makes you question your sanity. Not someone who puts you through undue pressure. That is a low-quality woman.
Always make your wife or girlfriend know that you can walk away.
As a man, your biggest source of productivity is peace of mind. You are better of single than with a woman who who drives you nuts.
The only way to rid yourself of pesky girls, is to go for high quality women. High quality does not mean extreme beauty or super brains. Some of the lowest quality women I know have good academic papers are beautiful enough to advertise lotions.
I will repeat, a high quality woman is one who respects you, treats you like a human and has overcome the pettiness and knows that you have work to do, and gives you all the space to do what you do best.
So, stop worshipping women. Stop those long chats. Stop being too available. Be busy. Be scarce. Not pretending to be scarce or busy but be out there doing something meaningful. When you bag a good woman who gives you good vibes, that the one you fly to Zanzibar with. That is the one you show up with at home. That is the one you get kids with.
So get busy. Make money. Groom yourself. Fix your wardrobe. Be the best of any circumstances you are in. Hit the gym, eat well. Don’t do self-pity. Be hopeful. Take time to make stuff right with you boy. And when you go out there looking for a girl, go for the best.
Very soon, I will discuss places you can find quality women. And I will share with you traits that indicate she is low-grade toxic, not good for you.
Until then, go out there and upgrade yourself. Not for women, but for yourself. Know your value. Keep raising it. And when dating, don’t go for cheap, low grade. Go the best. And you will have a healthy life.
PS: Don’t ever let a woman buy you vests or boxers. Replenish as frequently as possible.
By Silas Nyanchwani via Facebook